"Dreaded Old Age"

I have always dreaded old age. I cannot imagine
anything worse than being old. How awful it must
be to have nothing to do all day long but stare at
the walls or watch TV? So last week, when the
President suggested we all celebrate Senior Citizen
Week by cheering up a senior citizen, I decided to do
just that. I would call on my new neighbor, an elderly
retired gentleman, recently widowed, and who, I
presumed, had moved in with his married daughter
because he was too old to take care of himself. I baked
a batch of cookies, and, without bothering to call (some
old people cannot hear the phone), I went off to brighten
this old guy's day.

When I rang the doorbell this "old guy" came to the door
dressed in tennis shorts and a polo shirt, looking about
as ancient and decrepit as Donny Osmond. "I'm sorry I
can't invite you in," he said when I introduced myself, "but
I'm due at the Racquet Club at two. I'm playing in the
semifinals today."

"Oh that's all right," I said. "I baked you some cookies..."

"Great!" he interrupted, snatching the box. "Just what I
need for bridge club tomorrow! Thanks so much!"

I continued, "...and just thought we'd visit a while. But
that's okay! I'll just trot across the street and call on
Granny Grady."

"Don't bother," he said. "Gran's not home; I know. I just
called to remind her of our date to go dancing tonight.
She may be at the beauty shop. She mentioned at
breakfast (at which house?) that she had an appointment
for a tint job."

. .... So I went home and called my Mother's cousin (age
83); she was in the hospital ... ... working in the gift shop. .
.... I called my aunt (age 74); she was on vacation in China. .
I called my husband's uncle (age 79). I forgot; ...... he was
on his honeymoon. ....

.... I still dread old age, now more than ever. I just don't
think I'm up to it.

Author Unknown